Saturday, June 18, 2005
MOVED
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Missio Dei
Day 1 The First Day! 10th Dec'04 Friday
Yawwn..ZZzzz.. woke up at 2.45AM, just to turn on the heater.. haha, slept at like 1.35AM only la. Anyway, had to pick cheryl from her house so I left home at 3.30AM. Cheryl told me to come at 4AM but the moment i stepped out of my condo, "tada" a cab appears and i take it.. The cab driver was really weird, "where do you want to go now so late. I take you anywhere go ok" like duhh, he has to take me to where'ever i wanted to go.. haha. So off i went to cheryl's house, got pretty lost in there, her house is so hard to find!! I was early.. so she came out of the house with NO socks OR shoes. Bwahaha. anyway, we took the cab down to ben tan's house, and Ben was still sleeping, or rather, half asleep. So we waited in their house while they packed up and got ready. Whee, we then left for Changi Airport. Fetched Teri and Debbie from terminal 1, then went to terminal 2 to send the cambodian team off to cambodia. Everyone was there except for Jon Wong, as usual.. whee, had some nice photo's taken then. Oh, i met maurice at the airport too! (he was going to China). Anyway, once the cambodian team left, we took the skytrain to terminal 1 where our flight was. Chang was so nice to us, he woke up so early to send us off. Thank you chang! "ding ding" our flight number was announced, so we went to board the plane. whee!! so fun, i always wanted the plane to like crash or something and then come out alive and tell everyone about the adventure, but.. AIKS, if i really die, then i am gone. poof. vanished, bye bye.. But oh well! yeah the plane flights were nice. I felt pretty weird cos of my previous Lung ailment. gaah, some stoopid collapsed lung thingy. heh. It's rather gone i tink, sometimes relapse happen but oh well. Anyway, we reached Chiang Mai after a stopover at Bangkok. Bangkok was fun.. except dont ever buy anythng from non-duty free shops in the airport.. the stuff there cost like.. a bomb.. So yeah, we were stopped by custom officers regarding bringing in stuff without "papers". we were made to pay 40,000+ Baht for them to be allowed in.. how dumb. weird customs.. Then we were met by a nice thai pastor, Pastor Kong is his name, he helped bring everything into the truck. He's a super smart guy with a super pretty wifey. ooh, lovely! heh. We drove a 4 wheeler truck with a shelter and went on a 15-minute journey to the methodist centre. When we reached, the place looked so nice! It was nicely decorated with stuff!! Heh, we brought our bags to our rooms which were so spacious and double-bunked. The temperature was "Cool". We went shopping at carefour, this building's carpark was full of motorcycles!! i could bet a thousand of them in there! they were just filling the place with the oort cloud, or also known as Black Smoke. heh. Shopping was fun. I got laughed at by the food-stall auntie when she saw me holding 2 cups of ice-lemon tea, cos, ignoring her advice on not taking some dish i thought look'ed nice to eat, i ended up eating the countries hottest dish.. gaaah.. We went back to the centre after that. The temperature was "Cold". We had our debrief about stuff and all. we unpacked, then we went to bathe.. I think batheing at night was a bad idea.. we were all freezing in the shower.. haha. COOLD.. well after that we went to sleep.. zzz End of the exciting, exuberating, entertaining Day ONE. Miss ya! ( miss the day lar.. )
Day 2 First Touch 11th Dec'04 Saturday
AAAAAaaaaahh!! Oh my Gosh! dammn cold damn coold. I think it was 5 degrees!! when we woke up! i could see my breath.. Btw, our room's were'nt heated up and it was kinda like open-aired.. so.. we.. were practically in an igloo. haha. Anyway, we woke up, but i slept somemore while my two crazynutty bunkmates (sam and mark) went to bathe... they came back like frozen eskimo's from the himalaya's.. so random.. ahha. anyway.. it was fun to be in the cold, hah brrrr.. we had to get ready stuff for the day.. So we gathered, talked our schedule over breakfast, then headed to the church. it was rather amusing to see all the children there already in rows of 7! more of in 7 rows... haha. so cool. so orderly.. haha anyway, we did our work there, played with them, did skits, sang song's, played games (which were quite fun right) haha. i enjoyed it, and the team did too! well time passes so fast.. we had a youth programme. This programme was so cool. they had this gift exchange program thingy to exchange gifts with one another.. I got a clock! ahaha.its the thought that counts okay!! yup yup.. we played games, ultimate frisbee, it was super fun! running around like mad people, shouting names all over.. we also played basketball with the youth, they are relly pro lorr! trash us like mad.. haha. We played till Peipei got us our dinner. thankfully the weather was fairly cool so it didnt hurt much to bathe.. we ate dinner after that.. dinner was some thai kwei tiao or whatever you call it.. quite nice to eat.. exquisite taste.. We then had debrief in the girls room. debrief was rather straightforward, for some hurtful, but oh well, we gotta learn from our mistakes. So now i am lying on my bed journalling while my notty bunkmates are fast-asleep. and one is snoring.. i think i should go to bed now.. my writing is getting too scribbly already.. sometimes i wonder.. what am i doing here.. in thailand.. on a bed which is not mine.. and all around me.. is just people.. whom are so.. eager to learn God's word (: hehe. Good Night. Still missing you.. God of wonders beyond our ga... zzZzzzzZzzzz...
Day 3 The Purpose? 12th Dec'04 Sunday
Dots.. those crazy bunkmates practically did the same thing again... woke up 2 hours before normal waking time.. secondly going to bath in the open-air shower when the temperature is like 5 degrees... i could even see steam from my ***. haha. anyway, We had QT in the girls room, then we went for lunch.. you know the food they prepare.. i tell you it rocks!! but it looks like eeeww.. cos you can see pieces of dunno what inside them.. you can't realy tell what they are. After lunch, went to play Ping Pong with the guys, they are pro. but i beat mark lui! hahaha. After pingpong was time to give out flyers for the christmas concert which was gonna be held by us. Whee. it was fun, cheryl has a new girlfriend! haha some girl.. i frogot her name but they kept holding hands and walking next to each other.. so loving the couple heh.. an lo and behold, a big cow(daniel) appeared infront of us.. MOOO!! it seemed to like our presence there. I hope.. haha. well i didnt think it liked us tho. haha. anyway, we walked back and then the children asked us to play some ball game with them. IT was so cool, it has like 3 groups, 1 at each side and 1 in the middle.. like 25% 50% 25%, you throw the ball and try to hit the people in the middle, but if anybody from the middle catches it, somebody that got out (got hit by the ball already) can come back into the game. Also when the 2 parties at the end catches the ball, the middle party has to stay where they are. whee so fun! after that, we gathered in the girls room to practice what we were gonna do tonight which was cell ministry. then we went to bathe. water was quite cold but oh well, it didnt really matter, it was so hot! The weather in Chiangmai is really weird.. in the mornings the temperature drop to around 7 degrees? then afternoon really hot, around 28degrees then at night 15 around there.. what bee-u-ti-ful weather we have here. we are so blessed hahaha. Thai words look so cool! haha. Next, we went to our christmas cell group, ohh! i forgot, we had sunday church service this morning.. haha. we played for them for worship! debbie guitar, sam bass, me drums. So cool, their instruments cost 5000 baht, which is around 200 bucks. so cheap.. anyway, cell group was super fun. we all got powdered lorh, esp. cheryl, she had powder all over her face. haha. and i had to do some sharing thing. i felt as tho i was talking to myself.. as in, i didnt feel nervour or anything when i stood up there. it was like God was talking for me. haha. Teri, just noted a point.. teaching english is very hard.. we tried to teach the youth english, wait, actually, we did!. their work for them.. haha. well, shhh! we couldnt figure how to teach them english so we just told them the answers. hahahaha. anyway, Mai said that may liks me. oops i mean i dnno. oh well. it was super funny, she kept gesturing to me, may like youu, may like youu. haha. they are all so nice esp mai, she's so pretty. hahaa oops. oh well. Now we are having debrief. lala so fun, everyone is stoning.. wahaha, ok now i am back in my bunk. tieing prizes for the school ministry tomorrow. i have to tie them all by myself.. and the rest are happily sleeping.. oh well tomorrow would be a better day! i hope. bye bye sunday!!
Day 4 Be Still 13th Dec'04 Monday
Yawn... just the normal routine.. blahh. im bored.. ok nvm.. i shall start. well, woke up at 6.45 am where it was so bright. it seems like its 8AM.. as usual.. slept in bed till those dumb fella's came back from their bath. yeah those 2 are really crazy.. but they don't shower!! hehe, they just more off sponge themselves.. haha cheapo. haha. we had QT then breakfast! took 3 bowls of porridge! its so nice! like singapore food heh. After that, we went to teach in schools. Vroom, on the way to school. whee so fun with a non-covered top 4 wheeler drive. it was cold and nice in the morning. We reached the school, and the field was like filled with small children, pri 1-6 and they were so nicely dressed. and when their national anthem was being played, they started marching like toy soldiers. haha so cute. we went to teach the students english. we taught them stuff like "know your fruits, and pictionary" haha, then we went for lunch at some funnny place that selled chicken-tasting rat, or rat-tasting chicken. haha. i dnno. but oh well! anyway we had some nice food.. i had wanton mee was sooo nice!! we then left to do some performance thing in another school. the performance was quite fun and cheryl and sam and teri used chalk and wrote on my back "i love ------" that is like so not la. All because of ---- and ----. haha oh well. We finished the performance with the gift-away thingy, it was so nice to see all of them say happily, thank you, was so nce and amazing at how they respected us. yeahh, then we went back to church and played some ball. i was a horse, teri was a hor, and sam was a ho, it sounds so wrong hahaa but its fun. we had dinner, then had our debrief, oh wait before that, i went on a bike ride with "prachoup" the caretaker of the church, so fun, never been on a bike before, i wanna ride again.. wel i wish i could, hehe came back for debrief. short and nice before dinner. hehe. so we went for tom yam soup.. cheryl felt like vomiting after that, which she did.. and all the girls went to the toilet to help her. caring friends! haha, then we had carroling with the other youth, which was super fun! i loved to have them in our presence. and the girls kept teasing me.. "phone love joseph".. i dnno.. maybe? she keeps looking at me and smiling, but who knows.. haha. went to play ping pong after that. ping pong is super fun laa everyone played! okok here i am now back in my bunk finishing up this journal for today, its simply amazing how and why i am journalling.. i never did this ever in my life.. i guess there's always a start in everything! oh well cya folks. byee!!
Day 5 Sick 14th Dec Tuesday
Gahh, woke up in the middle of the night and coughed out blood, then had a bad bad sore throat, am still having it now.. and then a cough and flu is soon to follow.. always happens this way.. but oh well trust God and put it all into His hands.. Yet again.. those stupid dumb nutty bunkmates went to shower.. they were like 1, 2, 3! go! AAAAH.! aahah! yeah then we had worship. i was supposed to play guitar but i couldnt play, hands were frozen and bones were acheing.. so i asked debbie to play. thanks to her everything went well. Then we had QT, which was quite fast and now it's time to reflect or dunno what. haha. dunno what to do.. but im gonna im writing my journal blah. after that was breakfast, which was quite nice, they're food seem to get better everyday. hahaha. It was then time to go to the schools. First stop was the teaching at Maeyoi Primary School, which was not so fun cos the student had such a harsh DM, holding a ruler in her hands. heh. Hah, anyway, after that was the concert, which was held in the corridor which was quite cold.. Brrr, haha, so fun, the children loved it, whee. then we went back to church and then Macdonalds!! ooh it was lovely! back to the junk food! whee! so nice, then we stocked up on food, and i bought this cool M&M's Box which looked sooo cool. haha, hmm, then we went to teach at some other primary school. The students were like sooo fun to be with. we made them run, walk, sit, stand jump, clap, laugh, cry, sneeze and many more, hahaha they made us like some really important people by asking us for autographs and our addresses.. so fun, and nice to be with them. whee. then we headed back to church where we had our debrief. I was feeling realy sick so when the debrief finished, i popped 2 panadol extra's and went to have a shower, then i went to sleep for about an hour. And was awaken by the shouts of our team.. they were weeding the garden.I wanted to join them but was still feeling sick. We had dinner, and the food ROCKED! like chinese food! it rocked! after dinner, we had some leadership training thingy led by pastor peter koh. very good lesson learnt there. after that, we went to play pingpong. Im getting better at it. muahaha. okays im going to bed now. Sweet dreams.
Day 6 Blehh.. 15th Dec'04 Wednesday
Oooh, i started the day off by going to bathe in the morning.. it wasn't that cold like they said.. it was just.. freezing.. heh. anyway, usual routines, worship, QT, breakfast, then we went to a school to prepare stuff for the afternoon's concert. It was fun, except preparing the stuff, like putting the guitar in and putting up the banner. Fun Fun, then i started to feel feverish.. dnno why.. i always have fever everytime.. oh well. maybe i have SARS. heh, kidding. haha, we went to some very nice place for lunch, like yummy curry noodles..chicken was so little yet so nice to eat, then we went back to do the concert, which was quite.. bad. cos like the kids were soo noisy, and unresponsive. we talk.. they talk.. so irritating lor..like quite boring also cos we are like talking to the wall or something..anyway, the games were the only fun part.. oh well.. i was dammn stone cos i was having fever, couldnt think properly.. anyway, finished, came back for debrief, tree planting! only planted 2, then followed prachoup to wind up the barbed wire that made up the fence to seperate the cows from us., it was super tiring lorh.. haha. my hands were like dead.. then we went to play pingpong.. dinner came next, then leadership training again. oh well nothing much bizzare happened today.. btw, joseph, please improve your handwriting, it is getting worse ever since day 1. bye bye.
Day 7 Oh Well 16th Dec'04 Thursday
Hi, oh my gosh, the baby was just above sams head!! super freaky! haha and they are still outside laughing.. mm. oh well heh, basically, we did the same thing today, since monday.. taught in a different school, quite fun to teach them. Be right back!! ok we locked all our doors so the girls won't but the "baby" back into our room.. Ok, then we had lunch in this cool library, the food was super nice la! was like the best!! it rocked, we had the concert again, which was much much better than the last one! cos it was smaller in size and cos they were all attentive! anyway, we came back to church, then painted fences, I loved painting the fence.. it was fun.. haha, we had dinner, then had carrolling. blah, i don't feel like writing anything today.. tired i guess. oh well, bye bye. miss you like crazy, every moment everyday. (okay okay fine it is someone..)
Day 8 Sneak Preview 17th Dec'04 Friday
lala, boring day again with no exciting stuff we did. hmm woke up.. OOH! today, we planned a scheme against the girls.. it was fun, funny, and corny.. haha, we stayed up till like 12am to make the "scarecrow" which looked quite devious.. heh, was quite scary to us la.. we woke up at 5.45am to hang it outside the girls bunk. heh, then we slipped away into our bunks for awhile then we came out and wanted to scare the girls. we almost did scare them, we peep'ed through the window, we wanted to find "baby jesus" but it was no where to be found.. hmm, so we thought, where could it be?. Debbie and cheryl were missing too.. then we walked to the canteen to play pingpong and saw the girls running away, but we didnt bother, so we played on.. then when we went to the rooms to take our stuff, the DOLL WAS HANGING INFRONT of the door.. i was like freaked out.. haha. grr. debbie and cheryl better watch out.. something bad is gonna happen tonight. muahaaha. ok. we went to teach in the schools again. we went for a buffet lunch today and before that.. everyone played a prank on me. they hid "Baby jesus" in my box of stuff, and when i opened it to take my wallet, i got a shock.. of course.. haha, but oh well, blehh, im gonna play some pingpong and get some fresh air now. tata. tararatumtumtum...
Day 9 Purify my Heart 16th Dec'04 Saturday
Had a weird funny dream last night.. it was like weird only. hahaha. oh well. normal routine, went to bathe, i think im getting abit sick.. i have fever's that go up and down.. hmm. shall not go into details. heh, we had normal QT and worship, then we had a children's concert. "Little Lambs" was it's name! during the concert however, i was stoning abit.. so i dont know what was going on.. i had fever.. dont know if its true but, when u got a fever, your braincells die? hmm. heh. so that means every second, im losing thousands of braincells? wow. heh. im becoming stupider!! hahahaha hmm after that, was lunch.. then i felt really sick. so i went to have a rest.. but i couldnt get any rest, cos those pesky children kept coming in. oh well, i seem to have gotten the hang of pingpong heh. i will be pro! i will! just you wait! hehe. we played pingpong with this guy who can speak fluent english. well, not that fluent, but enough to be understood. Hmm, i think he is cool! haha, played pingpong till 9.30pm, then went to bed, but i got an idea of scaring the girls, so i tired it at our door, and it worked, it freaked sam out. heh, oh well, tonight is the night, we will do it. GG. haha . then we went to sleep. Snore Snore.
Day 10 Indeed! 19th Dec'04 Sunday
Woke up at 3am.. cos i had a burning fever.. felt super super hot.. like burning.. so i went out to take water to take panadol. and OOOH, the stars!! were so nice!!! i could see the big dipper so clearly! heh, was soo awesome!, went to take my temperature and suprisely, it was 36degrees+. considered fever??.. i was practically in freezing temperature state.. ah well, woke up bathe, then went to the girls room for QT. I feel like everyone's been ignorning me.. oh well! maybe i am too old for them to talk to or something. ah well. played drums for service. aah, scary, i still feel feverish! haha. so cool, we had the gift exchange thing again!. and guess what!, i got our own gift back.. which was 2 packs of oreo's.. which were eaten by all my bunkmates and the girls.. haha. after lunch, we just hung around and carried stuff. next was the christmas concert. the mega huge one! It was awesome!, drums! speakers! a stage! stagelights! wow! so huge, but, the sound man was quite blurr.. kept getting feedback.. he didnt really know how to work the thing i guess. oh well, sounded odd. we did our skit and a song, so fun, after we finished, we took some photo's some of which were really nice! hehe. then went to play ping pong. nothing to write anymore haha good night. am still!
Day 11 Last day 20th Dec'04 Monday
Whee, woke up at 5.30 AM so we could go to the mountain early to see snow. haha, we left at 6.30AM instead. we were supposed to leave at 6. haha, but oh well, we weren't that ready cos it was too cold. heh, when we went, we took around 1 half hours to go there, we stopped by for breakfast, had no appetite then.. the way up was super odd, there were houses and schools on the mountain.. not actually mountain, mountains! so many! there were many mountains that we drove past, we went up, and up, and up till we reached the top. the highest mountain in thailand. 2,500+m Man, that sure is high... went to the top and stepped on the top of the mountain, as in really, the top, only one small metal coin sized thingy. whee, took off all my layers of clothes except 1 shirt, it was not cold, cos i was wearing black and the sun was up. hehe. there was still ice up there. so cold. yet so hot. we had lunch by a waterfall! so cool! quite amazing. the sound of water falling, so soothing to the ears. whee then we went to sit by the water, the smell was awesome! so nice! anyway, we went to visit 2 more waterfalls!, then went back to church. the whole day was R&R, oh well, spent the rest of the day resting and playing pingpong. heh.. we had truth or dare at night.. its more of truth or truth.. cos no one dared to do the dares.. haha. oh well. some interesting facts surfaced. heh, they asked me who i liked. hmm. i like ------ but i can't say "like" in the likeness of bf and gf.. how bout like being around -------? also, it can change? haha. everything is changing. heh. oh well, im going to bed now. hehe.
Day 12 Wheee~ 21st Dec'04 Tuesday
Whee, i'm on the plane now. waiting to take off. hahaha, i will be back to singapore in say 5 hours? hehehe. i like singapore.. but i wished it was cooler. haha better.. like chiangmai! hehehe. oh well., we are taking off now! cya all peeps! i will be back! muahahaa.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
i think this is gonna be a really long post. Oh well.
These past few weeks / months were really terrible, i mean, seriously. really really terrible. if you were in my shoe's, you won't wanna be in them anyway. Well, these few weeks/months really thought me a lesson on perseverance. Why am i saying this, well, it's no use hiding anything from anyone so i'm going to be straight-forward.
Medical problem's have become a huge hurdle and issue in my life, now that i know it isn't *Leukemia, i'm less worried, but the tension's still there. I've been coping with bout's of depression. If anyone had noticed' i seem normal, joyful, happy, whatever. but, deep down inside, i'm really hurt. badly. to those whom i've told my problems to, yeah sorry to trouble you all. Well, the thought's of sucide are coming through my mind every now and then, and maybe "dieing" a peaceful and silent death that no one would notice. Jumping off some building would be some stupid thing to do, maybe tie'ing a sandbag or a few bricks to my feet and jumping into the sea would be a better idea, but, that is just NOT the right thing to do. Think about it, how many friend's are out there, if i were to just go off like that, who wouldn't notice. It would just hurt people more than i would hurt myself. If sucide was not an option, poisoning another? But think about it, death with poisoning would only occur in huge dosages, unless you mean taking some rat poison or whatever sh*t. I've never tried that before, never will i wanna try it. I hate suffering. I hate medical problems.
Well, peer pressure is another issue. What if your classmates, your sole mates in your poly class for 3 years.. ask you to join them for a drink at *zouk? or hang around outside school and smoke? Well, i admit i've been to those, done those, whatever, but i don't find any good in doing those stuff, maybe smoking would bring me one step closer to death. I would die young, but what for take in those yeeacky stuff, those black things go into your lungs and sooner or later, you get lung cancer, which i think i already got now. but anyway, smoking is bad, don't ever try it. well, i never get addicted to smoking, but, don't try it serious. I'm a rare find. hmm, like the feeling of being backstabbed by someone? close? well yes, poly friend's can be such a drag. cases of "sarbo'ing" in poly? true or not? believe it or not? those childish brats, copy people's work, submit it, get caught having the same work as me,*which i lent to them* and happily say i coppied theirs. like WOW man. they think this is primary school arh. %&#@ them lar.. i always kenna trouble by teachers cos of them. Oh well, they'll be my classmates for 2 more years. i guess i gotta learn how to give in and when not to. My teacher's are such b*tch*s, i don't have anything to say about them, i just h.a.t.e. them.
anyway. enough about school. home is another, when you come back home, with 2 Konk heads in your house, *my cousins from england*. they think my house is some drugalley or what, smoke in my living room, sleep on my bed, drink beer at nights and get drunk and go crazy making fights at home. i'm happy their gone.. tired of their nonsense. If you came over to my house, and stood at my backyard balcony, you could see around say 500+ cigarette buds all over the carpark floor. Like golly, they think this is England? they think singapore is like a free world? going to 7-11 and cheating the auntie there isn't a nice thing to do. getting free drinks by sneakily sticking a bottle of beer into their *paid* plastic bag? their just mad. i wish there was a miracle and they became pastors, at least my family would be somewhat a lil'bit better.
To be frank, i think my life is kinda *screwed*. i lack discipline. i don't have time management, i always leave thing's to the last minute, saying "Oh, nevermind, i still have tomorrow to do it" in the end, it never get's done. well, lucky for me, i'm on time and i keep my promise to people, but not myself. How sad i am.
Well, i'm not done ranting.. i still havn't found the meaning of life.. what are we doing on this earth? why were we made? what is our purpose on earth? If He knew the outcome of life, why did he make us? If adam and eve hadn't eaten the fruit of good and evil, what would be of us now? naked? wait a minute, we wouldnt even know if we were naked or not. What about the Big bang theory? Is that true? Like BANG!! and the world formed? w00t! that's awesome!! i can go *BANG* and i can make something as huge as *unimaginable?* cool.. oh well. I don't know which to believe in. Philosophy? hmm. Evolution? whoo, wow, we humans can evolute from cells! which are true, but.. where's the evidence? i mean, these dumb people, keep making up their own philosophies, however, they don't even support themselves!! how dumb they can get. i just wish there was something believable and visible that i could grasp to, just to calm my mind.
I wish we, as in all of us, weren't made with feeling's. don't get me wrong, the world is such a selfish place, we have all our own desires, our own wants.. "oh i want that, oh i want this" it's like so easy to get. The world revolves around *KACHING* $$$$ money!! righto.. money. no money = no face = no place in the society.. wow nice good chart.. people are getting more and more money-minded.. they only want money money money.. it's irritating. sorry if im being naggy or whatsoever. it's been a long time i last ranted my thoughts out..
Somehow, i find it hard to believe He is out there, but i know he is.. I have wavering faith, that's how i feel. Why does God allow suffering, i still don't know the answer. would someone be kind enough to tell me. Why do I have to suffer. Are you looking down at me? Do you see me suffering? rolling around in bed trying to find a nice position to sleep in. but to no avail, cos everywhere aches and your heartbeat goes *thump thump (thump). yeah and start hyperventilating, and never sleep's till in the end, maybe get's dizzy and knocks out on the bed, only to wake up with cold sweat and breathless from not breathing. i think my brain's damaged.
IM LOSING MY MEMORY. as in seriously, i can't remember stuff easiily, i take a long time to recall thing's. i can't remember certain words that i used before. what's happening to me? was it something wrong i did in the past? or is it something wrong i'm doing now. sometime's, i just wonder, what if, i were to go? would it be better than being here on earth and to suffer? somehow, i just think i should persevere. but.. for how long more? i'm getting tired.. i'm tired of getting tired.. i'm tired of feeling depressed. i'm tired of feeling sick. i'm tired of life. i need a new life.. I would be happy to go now, and be a born again, to start alll over again, from learning how to walk, to learning how to talk. i want to be in a proper family.
Somehow i think it's happening right now. Maybe the world would end soon. Maybe it'll end tomorrow, who knows. I just wish it would for me, faster. gone. just like that. poof. rapture. heh. i'm tired.. i don't know what to say. only You know.. just get me out of this dark gloomy pit, might not be a pit, maybe it's a blackhole, where i go in, but never get out.. I wonder... i need someone to talk to..
Thursday, March 31, 2005
To my saviour King of Kings
I need you
You are everything, to me
I love you
So much more than anything
I'll live for you
Jesus you are everything
You're all that i want
You're all that i need
You're all that i want
You're all that i live for in this world
You're all that i want
You're all that i need
You're all that i want
You're all that i live for in this world
Jesus
You are all i need
Jesus
You are everything
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
You ask me why
Why I’m so different
Why I’m not the same as everybody else
Well something changed
It just happened
When I opened up my heart and let Him in
Jesus came in he came into my life
And i know i never felt so good
Cause everything’s changed, everything is different
Everything’s changed, everything is different
Everything’s changed, everything is different
Everything’s changed, everything is different
Now
You ask me how
How I can be sure
How I know it’s not just something else for fun
Cause He’s so real
So real in my life
He picked me up and turned my universe around
Everything, everything, everything in my life’s changed
Everything, everything, everything in my life’s different Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Such a different place
Sometimes it's hard to keep
The smile upon my face
It seems like
I try so hard and
Still let you down
It's taken so long but now there's
One thing that i've found
When everything's all crashing down
When all i know falls to the ground
When darkness comes and I can't see
You're always there to rescue me
Just when I think
That i have got it figured out
You open my eyes
and let me see that there's no doubt
That you've got it all within
Your power of your hand
It seems like the more i know
The less i understand
When everything's all crashing down
When all i know falls to the ground
When darkness comes and I can't see
You're always there to rescue me
When all my strength has turned to fear
When i wonder if you're near
When i don't know how to break free
You're always there to rescue me
I wonder if I'll
Make it through this darkest night
I need to know your strength in me
Gonna with this fight
I'm reaching out won't you
Take my hand show me to the light
I know you're by my side
Monday, March 28, 2005
quit it
